Mother of Pearl
© by Suraj Holzwarth 2022 There is nothing more intense, no labor harder, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, nothing more...
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- Sep 23, 2022
The Sonogram Tech Gave Me No Signs
Three. For some reason three was the magic number in my head. Number one was so hard to conceive, to carry, to birth, to nurture. Number...
- Jul 28, 2022
Strike One, Strike Two, Strike Three
My entry into motherhood wasn't sunshine and daisies. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I was scared. And I remained scared for...
- Jul 13, 2022
The sound of that heartbeat cemented my faith
My husband was out of town for the day of my scheduled checkup. Home with our first born (via emergency cesarean), I was well into my...
- Jul 10, 2022
We were not ready to start a family.
It’s almost 1am here. I’m wide awake after cleaning up the vomit filled bed of my eight year old. I’m also pregnant with my third child,...
- Jul 10, 2022
Abortions are health care.
She was trying to become pregnant after so much planning. She’s so smart, such a planner. She was so thrilled to finally get a positive...
- Jul 10, 2022
I know my healing continues as I share my story
My husband and I already had two beautiful, healthy children that were well into self-sufficient ages. Two children were all we could...
- Jul 10, 2022
I can’t believe this choice is being taken away from us
I spent the first night of my son’s life with only him in the hospital, as my husband was tired and needed to go home to sleep. I didn’t...
- Jul 10, 2022
It’s hard to be a mom when the word MOTHER somewhere in your psyche terrifies you
My childhood was filled with intense emotional and physical abuse. My mother was a single mom in the 80’s. My mother was mentally ill, ...
- Jul 10, 2022
My mother is a grandmother now.
"My mother is a grandmother now she says to me let’s catch up so I put my book down take a deep breath say sure and she is already...
- Jul 10, 2022
Nine months later, the same woman who counseled me for my abortion delivered my perfect baby boy
I knew I was pregnant. That’s not why I made an appointment at the family planning clinic. It wasn’t my first time in this situation,...
- Jul 6, 2022
Avoid bearing children at all costs
On July 4th, 2022 my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Twenty-five years ago, I was focused on finishing up a work...
- Jul 6, 2022
I owned that choice
I was 23 when I had an abortion. I was a senior in college and getting ready to study and travel abroad for my final semester. I was...
- Jun 29, 2022
I was terrified, alone and ashamed.
It was 1969. A few months earlier a man I was on a date with had forcibly raped me. Now I was in Australia at a college friends sheep...
- Jun 28, 2022
I wanted that baby so much
I had a complete hysterectomy that removed my uterus and a baby with a healthily beating heart the night before Roe v Wade was...
- Jun 27, 2022
Two different choices can evoke the same emotions
"I never had to grapple with a decision that would change my life one way or the other. When I found myself pregnant in a toxic ...
- Jun 26, 2022
My body felt different immediately
Storytelling is my love-language and you'd think that I'd be able to be loud and proud over this, but as you know, or can imagine, it's...
- Jun 26, 2022
I was drugged
I was drugged and raped in college. If I hadn't miscarried I would have aborted. To this day I don't even talk about it with my husband...
- Jun 25, 2022
I thought, “I can’t work through another pregnancy”
When I was 32, after having my two daughters and numerous failed pregnancies, I had an abortion. My husband and I knew that we were done...
- Jun 25, 2022
I fell pregnant again 7 months later
I was only 23, just started my first “big girl” job. I was engaged, but my fiancé was involved in an unpaid apprenticeship. My god we...
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