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The sound of that heartbeat cemented my faith

Updated: Jan 4, 2023

My husband was out of town for the day of my scheduled checkup.

Home with our first born (via emergency cesarean), I was well into my second trimester. I was wearing a few maternity outfits.

We had heard the heart beat at our last visit.

This was a big deal to us.

I had lost two pregnancies early on over the last year, one in December ~Christa, one in the Easter season ~Easta.

We chose to wait before going in for a check up this time around 'til the sound of that heartbeat cemented my faith.

On the day of my appointment I joyfully made ready for our trip to town, just me and our three-year-old child.

It was all smiles and curious questions until the new midwife attending to me could not find the heart beat.

She was new, she must be mistaken. That is all I could believe.

Our sweet three-year-old and I were sent up to the hospital for a sonogram.

There was no heartbeat.

I am told to go home, it will be 2 days before I can have an extraction done.

The sadness that had engulfed me before paled in comparison to depth of loss I felt on this day.

~Aaron, the dream, the hope, the plan, was no more.

It was July, 2nd 1998, the day the Icicle Seafoods building burned down (a part of my childhood and married life... I can still see the steep stairs up to the offices).

Clouds of ammonia were stopping traffic, my dearest friend finally made it to our house, and pulled me off of my manic floor-- scrubbing. She arrived with pizza for our children and precious hugs for me.

The loss mentally and physically, took time to heal from.

Much time.

I have scars.

In December of 1999 I gave natural birth to our second child.

I still list 5 pregnancies when asked on any admitting forms.

Each conception altered my dreams, my cells, my heart, and they will never be forgotten.

I remember that I do not count my tubal pregnancy because I had not "felt" pregnant. My dreams had not been seeded...

But it is July 2022 and today it is possible that an extraction for that very painful and dangerous conception may not be available in many parts of our world.

My mind screams- How is this possible??

I can not imagine the possibility of not being able to have the extraction with ~Aaron's pregnancy. The two day wait was so unsettling. I just can NOT.

And so this is why i felt i wanted to share "my" story.

There is a NEED for abortions.

A need for safe health care for all who can conceive.

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