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Describe how your relationship to sex has changed for you since becoming a mother.

“Sex life is completely non-existent. But I don’t crave it, or miss it, like I used to. There was a lot of mental, emotional and physical trauma when bringing our daughter into the world. And 3.5 years later, my body still doesn’t feel like mine. Plus, it seems like my husband has completely forgotten how to get my motor going. Sitting on the couch half asleep and saying, “hey, wanna bang”? Yeah, that ain’t it.”


“The biggest change for me has been since having my womb removed… ironically it has been the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced sexually. Not (just) bc of the removal of the source of so much pain, but because it is so final, decades of burden lifted from the what ifs & now what’s of being a fertile woman. The irony around that is that one would think that this would be freeing in terms of wanting to embrace a fertile partner knowing that he carried no threat of making me pregnant. Indeed, it has been the exact opposite: I am focused on mothering more than ever: mothering myself & healing in ways that I never imagined towards a self love revolution of sorts. For now, that looks like abstaining from sex with others, but I feel that soon it will blossom into what could be my first healthy sexual relationship ever, & it leaves me wondering, was I primarily horny for healing first & foremost all these years, but only had the capacity for sex until now? Or, are sex toys just *that much better* these days?”


“Um, it's a work in progress? I think as we get farther away from fresh postpartum and now that I'm done with pumping, my sex drive is increasing. But, I'm understanding the need to schedule sex now that our lives are ruled by our son's sleep. It feels important to maintain though but also give myself grace for being honest about my desires or not feeling into it.“


“Ha!”


“I kid you not, but my first real orgasm happened while I was giving birth to my daughter.


I don’t talk about it a lot because no one wants to be the the one “bragging” about their “orgasmic birth” when you know how directions it can go for women. My first birth was challenging.


But that birth revolutionized the way I experienced my own body and freed me to really feel pleasure without shame for the first time.”


"I need such a different type of sex right now, but I don't even know where to begin. I need it focused on connection, and not the usual focus on orgasm. We've been together forever... we know the usual buttons to push to get the "to-do" done with, but it's left me feeling empty after having children. My body seems to belong to everyone but me."


“I loved sex a lot before kids and I still love it. BUT, my desire for INITIATING sex was mostly squashed after kids. Squashed like my pancake boobs are squashed from all the breastfeeding. Sex though, has also become more important. It happens less than before kids, it doesn’t take as long and it’s not as wild. My husband and I don’t have time to talk much during the week outside texts, brief calls to plan who is picking up or dropping off which kid when and who is starting dinner, getting groceries, which major appliance is now not functioning, what early or late meeting is happening tomorrow, do we have enough of a balance left in checking to pay down on which credit card, does the middle child have an ear infection, where are the snow tires…sex has become an even more important connection than it was before kids.”

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