My mom and I...we don't have many common beliefs, we disagree politically. We generally keep our conversations surface level, polite, and detached. As soon as I got pregnant she became involved, I felt it was too much...as I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a mom or would be a good mom. But my partner was steadfast and I knew I wanted kids (eventually) and I wasn't getting any younger. Fast forward to the night the little one arrived, I was scared, my partner was scared and who was there? My mom. Who stayed? Who cooked meals? Who made me nap? Who watched the baby? Who took care of us all? My mom. Who do I call, day or night? It's a lot to think about and a lot to be grateful for.
My midwife when she was treating me for postpartum depression and anxiety. That woman saved my life by listening to me
My mother. We couldn't do it without her. It is not lost on me how privileged I am to have my mother close by to be a major childcare and overall support to our family.
My whole family are my caregivers.we have so much love and support even from the young ones lots of hugs,kisses and love toys
There was a nurse at the hospital, when my son was fighting for his life in the pediatric intensive care unit. While everyone else was crowded around my son's tiny body, giving him a blood transfusion and assessing vitals- she sat next to me, holding my hand. Holding ME together.
I am part of a 4 woman group of friends who we always say we are going to be golden girls together, & while things were in the shit they kept my spirits up, my laundry done, my house clean & got me back & forth to medical appointments 🥰 love those gals, I would've given up long ago if it wasn't for them
Kelly, Nora's first teacher when she started daycare was amazing. She saw me cry more than my friends some mornings. "This is totally normal", was her frequent quote. She just made me feel like I wasn't failing. I'm also lucky to have amazing friends since I don't have siblings. It was like a secret club of knowledge and laughs.
My neighbor was, and to some degree still is, the single most influential non family member of my girls' first years of life. She volunteered to take one of them or both of them, healthy, sick, no matter, for an hour or 3 or more so that my husband and I could go on a date, or a drive, or a garage sale. I tear up just thinking about her. She's not dead, but she did move. My kids miss her and talk about her most days. We've visited her and it's bittersweet. It's been over 2 years and I can't even talk about how much I miss her because of the emotional investment it requires. Writing about her feels ok today. Thank you Nancy.
Myself ma!
Honestly I could talk about my partner, or my mama friends, but honestly the care I've provided for myself, the ways I've learned to advocate for autonomy time, the conversations I chose to show up for or not, the uncountable times I felt used up and under-appreciated and I still, exhausted, found small, almost invisible ways to remind myself of just how worthy I am of tenderness, care, validation, support, rest, that's what stands out to me most in this moment. I keep showing up to my own table, with all my little parts and pieces and selves, and taking care of each of them in the way no one did for me when I was little.
My mom 1000 times. But now- she is aging and it is terrifying.
Caregivers. So many. Pre k teacher and staff. Sprout staff. SPH staff. Occupation and speech therapists. My therapist who specializes in raising kids with disabilities, who's my caregiver. ILC in homer has held my hand through the sisyphean paperwork for disability and social security and Medicaid. Of course gramma and grandpa. And of course DAD.
My therapist walked me through the grief process of having a child with a disability. It was VITAL. Im not sure what stage im in now but im really stoked to be out of the denial phase. My kid is not going to have typical experiences for the rest of his life, and that is a loss for a mom. Also helped me work to banish expectations and lots and lots of work on *ahem* boundaries. Tugs dad can do things I just can't. He and tug have esp, and talk by touching foreheads like some TNG episode. It's amazing.
Someone who is a good listener and hears my heart on what type of support is needed, someone who doesn't judge, who comes ready to listen, clean my toilet , wash dishes or bring chocolate, coffee or a drink, who knows when to call me out on my shit if needed, encourage me or remind me of my passions, who celebrates with me and cry's with me, who could take my kids if needed, relay a message to my husband and go grab me some damn fabulous flowers, someone who helps me laugh through life's struggles and who is honest about what capacity they have or encouraging me to stick within my own, someone who is in it for the long haul
My daughter came to care for my husband and me after we were involved in a terrible car accident. I didn't want her to come, and worried about the dynamics she'd bring to the situation. She was a godsend and took over daily chores and helped care for us both when no one else was available to. I am so grateful for her help.
My mom. She drops everything to help my family in anyway possible. She was an integral part in our older kids having stability while I struggled through a difficult pregnancy, recovery and NICU stay. She is also my emotional rock (alongside my husband) during those times when my anxiety really surfaces. I'm an only child, which I used to hate, but now I feel lucky that she is able and happy to give us so much support.
I wish I had more support to be honest. This is one I'm not sure I can answer though friends who are there for me are so critical
My mother, when isabelle was young was the person I went to for everything. She gave me advice about my daughter, she was a medic, a counselor and a Grammy all rolled into one. When her dementia hit it was hard for her to fill those rolls even though she tried. I can never thank her enough for all she did before this disease hit her (she died almost 2 years ago after being in a memory care unit for 5 years.)
Caregiver- my sister who lives in Chicago has been consistently making efforts to visit, get to know my children, talk through difficulties that I have encountered, really be part of my life, part of my family. I value her, it is a gift to have her in my life. I never considered her as a caregiver, but she is the person who comes to mind
My friend took care of me and my son for the week we stayed with her. We fed him her milk when my supply wasnt cutting it from too much stress from 3 months of crying. She fed me roasted root veg and baked goods that we have a love for and love to share in common. She told me I still seem the same to her but overwhelmed when i thought id lost most of myself. She took care of me when i needed it most
My mother-in-law showed me vital support. She was at my house almost all the time while I grappled with postpartum anxiety and depression. She helped me care for the kids and house without any judgment or criticism. She loved me unconditionally through my tears, my days I couldn't get out of bed, and when I thought I was dying. All of it. She was truly *there* for me, and I will always be deeply grateful.
My mother. I couldn't do any of it without my mother. We live in Alaska and she lives in Florida we couldn't be much farther apart but she always answers my call. She texts my partner encouraging messages. She gives us honest, unfiltered( but not unsolicited) advice, perspective, tough love when needed and insight. Every few weeks she sends me a card in the mail with a little note saying hello and you got this. Often with $5 and a note to go buy myself a coffee and take a moment to myself two things i can rarely afford. With our first daughter she came the first few weeks and while everyone else filtered through taking selfies of the baby she did our laundry, cleaned our kitchen, sat with me at two am while i tried to figure out nursing. Becoming a mother is a wild ride of endless give and i feel eternally grateful to still BE mothered when i have nothing left to give.