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I’m telling this story anonymously for that reason

My pregnancy test came back positive on my oldest child’s birthday. I was stunned. I had been successfully using an IUD for many years. After watching me labor for days through my first childbirth, my husband promised when we were done having kids, he’d get a vasectomy. “It’s the least I can do.” He said. Then when it was time he chickened out. I have discovered that people will promise a lot when a child is born, but mostly it is the mothers picking up the pieces. Anyway I kept using my IUD. I probably should have harassed him more to have a vasectomy but what can i say? I believe in bodily autonomy.

When we found out I was pregnant several years after we thought we were done, there were lots of feelings. We didn’t want another baby, but we didn’t think we’d be in this situation. We also worried. Where was that IUD? Had it fallen out or was it still in there? What sort of problem could that be for me or the fetus? An X-ray was not permitted because pregnant women are not supposed have X-rays since it’s unknown it’s affect on the fetus. We decided I would get an abortion. Because I’m older, I’m fairly in tune with my body and caught it quickly. I took the abortion pill around 6 weeks. If I lived somewhere with a six week ban they could have disallowed it because it was close. I couldn’t imagine having mobilized any quicker than I did. Anyway I took the pills, and it was not traumatic or even painful for me. I was told not to look for the fetus because i wouldn’t be able to see it with my naked eye. Of course I looked but didn’t see anything but blood. I was a little sad thinking about what might have been but mostly I was relieved and thankful.

The only thing traumatic about the experience was having to keep it secret from so many who would have been angry and called me a murderer. I’m telling this story anonymously for that reason but I want other women to know that they are not alone, and that I will fight like hell for their reproductive freedom.

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