I didn’t understand with my first child how much historic trauma had damaged my ability to be touched and express love with my kids.
I remember my own mother pushing me away and saying don’t touch me when I was small and when I learned about how our generational parenting practices had been interrupted, I forgave my mom and even myself. I understood why being touched was so difficult for me for a long time.
I had to learn about what happened to my grandmothers and great-grandmothers and then be very intentional about how I connect with my children, myself, and how I communicate boundaries. It’s a constant balancing of respecting my own physical needs and also giving them the love they need.
I have found the language to communicate how I need space sometimes and I remember the first time my younger daughter said “no, I don’t want a hug right now. I need a little space.” Maybe that’s what inter-generational healing is.