Something that I wish I would have known about my body, about sex and/or relationships when I was my kid’s age is…

• My daughter is ten years old, I wish at her age that I had known that sex wasn’t a mysterious physical act. All my exposure to sex at the time was hard to understand and misinterpreted, leading to very embarrassing conversations with peers solely about bodies and void of any emotion or intimacy.

  
  

• I wish I would’ve known that bodies naturally change a lot as you go from adolescence to young adulthood, and that it is totally normal, beautiful, and OK. And that all body shapes are beautiful, and the most important thing is not how you look to others or some external message of how bodies “should look,” but instead how strong and healthy you feel in your own skin.

  
  

• That desire isn’t wrong, attraction isn’t the same for everyone and that relationships can be healthy and unhealthy. We would call relationships good or bad as teens. In our minds this made relationships much more about a transaction and less about the interaction and impacts two people can have on each other. Though maybe this concept is something we all learn over time?

  
  

• That it all gets better, so much better. And that being confident, staying true to yourself and giving zero fucks all the way through is the way to be!

  
  

• No one will love you well until you love yourself.

  
  

• Feeling safe is a green light. Feeling pressure or indifference is a red flag.

  
  

• I wish i had known that sex was could be playful, fun, exploratory, and should feel without demand or obligation. Sex (and relationships) can be that way when you feel safe with someone you trust and when you honor your own desires and boundaries. I wish i had known that you can go as far as you want to go in sex or in a relationship and stop at any time. 

  
  

• That my body was not shameful.

  
  

• That no one is perfect and my body and sexuality was ‘enough’ and I was allowed to choose who I wanted to have sex with and when .

  
  

• That my self worth didn’t revolve around my body. That I didn’t have to do something with my body to make someone else happy. That sexual desire and experimentation is normal. That having sex as a teen didn’t mean I had to stay in a relationship with that person long term (“You don’t want to be all used up for your husband” was the messaging I received from my Dad).

  
  

• I wish I had appreciated my body, rather than wishing it looked like my friend’s.  I was a “late bloomer” and always felt left behind.  I wish I had valued myself more, rather than seeking validation from the attention of boys, and desperately seeking to be seen as attractive.

  
  

• I wish I would have known that there was nothing wrong with me for occasionally experimenting with my girlfriend. We touched ourselves, kissed and touched each other.  It was mutual. We were friends and also curious about how our bodies worked. We went to the same church, and we never had to say it out loud to know that we would never ever talk about what we did. Ever. I carried shame around with me for YEARS. After leaving my small Midwestern town, leaving the church, and taking my first human sexuality course in college I finally began to understand that I wasn’t, after all, destined to eternal damnation for my curiosity and queer sinfulness. 

  
  

• I wish I had known how powerful I was. That everything unfolds in perfect time and to trust the beautiful voice singing away inside me.

  
  

• Physical affection and touch is healthy and normal for grownups (people of all ages) 

  
  

• I developed early. I wish I would have known that my body changes were normal- just ahead of schedule. I also wish I’d understood that most every adult was cognizant of that stage I was going through, and most were compassionate. Instead I felt like a lone freak. 

  
  

• Everything. I needed more  information about my body changing and about consent growing up. I also needed a relationship with my parents that supported asking questions.

  
  

• I wish that my parents would have told me that my body is mine and that I don’t owe it to anyone. Not hugs, not lap sits, not kisses… And I have the absolute right to practice consent in what I do with my body and to offer others the same respect. It would also have been helpful to hear some strategies for dealing with rejection and that when someone provides me with a no, that I accept it with respect and gratitude. 

  
  

• I wish I would have known anything, more. I was so in the dark when it came to conscious connection with my body. All I knew about relationships was what I witnessed. There was no conscious connection of conversation around that. My sister got pregnant at 15, I was 4 at the time. That is what I knew- No direct dialect around it, just what I could gather from observation. 

  
  

• I wish I had known what’s in store for me as far as body changes. I think so much of this is linked to our primary caregivers. I didn’t have a safe space for these conversations. Nor did I have a good example for romantic relationships as well as friend and family relationships. I had to learn as I went and often got it wrong. If I had a dafe, nurturing space, I would have wanted to know about what friendship is, what community is and how to participate, and what love is- how to show it, give it and receive it, what is appropriate touches vs not appropriate.

  
  

• I wish I would have known how the menstrual cycle works when I was 13. It would have been great to understand that you feel different and have a different energy level and mental/emotional capacity at each point along the cycle. Also that there are foods to eat and herbs to ingest and ways to rest and exercise that is most beneficial for each portion of that cycle. I wish I knew that you can read your period symptoms as they reflect the balance that you’ve had throughout the month. I would have loved to learn that tuning into your cycle can make you have a wonderful intimate flow with your own body. 

  
  

• No one will love you well until you love yourself. 

  
  

• My kid is 22. So I wish I had known that I could t sleep my way into love. I was searching for someone to love  and I thought if someone had sex with me it meant they had to love me right?!?  As far as how I was raised. I had old parents. My mom and dad were the ages of most of my friends grandparents. We just didn’t talk about it. 

  
  

• That it belongs to them, is perfect the way it is, and that they should nurture and care for it with love.

  
  

• That it’s her body. No one else is in control of what happens to it and she has the final say no matter what. 

  
  

• That it is powerful and beautiful on the inside and out.

  
  

• I wish I had just the facts and had someone close to me be very direct so I didn’t have to fill in the gaps with my imagination. Especially during puberty. I needed someone to say to me: “this is normal! And you should be proud of your changing body.”

  
  

• At my kids age (5), I had a little friend who told me the basic idea of heteronormative sex was.  We both were in different closets with walkie talkies and I remember being shocked.  It felt like we were being naughty, but now I wish that it felt ok to have that conversation out in the open.

  
  

• You should explore your body, and it’s not bad to do so.