top of page

Have you felt "mom rage before? What did it feel like? What happened?

The first time my baby twiddled my other nipple while breastfeeding I felt such a visceral rage I could have yeeted him across the room. Obviously this didn't happen and I learned how to avoid it but damn if that first time didn't catch me off guard.


I remember the day I realized what it was. I was about 4 or 5 months post partum, and I was noticing my anger had become so flash pan, like when I was a teenager. When I could go from 0 to 60 of teen angst and rage. My sweet little baby was crying for no apparent reason and nothing I was doing was helping her. She just kept wailing and I just blew up. I yelled at this tiny, crying soul. "What is WRONG with you?!!!!" Then I cried. I knew this was not an acceptable reaction and I knew the rage was a problem. It took me a couple of days to get brave enough to make the call to my midwife and admit to this shameful and embarrassing moment, but I'm so glad I did. This rage was part of my undiagnosed post partum depression and anxiety. I got on some Zoloft and became a much better, calmer, saner mother.


I don't know the definition of mom rage but I know the rage I felt towards my partner when our 6 mo old was up all night coughing, vomiting, so full of mucus, I was checking every hour to make sure she was breathing and there he laid...fast asleep, not a care in the world. Is that mom rage?


Mom Rage. I feel like that defines me right now. I feel like an endless volcano, constantly erupting over minutiae. The fear in my kids eyes is a gut punch.


This took a while to consider and when it came to me YES I have. It's a complex situation and still hard to talk about because it involves one of the physicians in our community. But bottom line, my rage moved me to be brave. On my son's behalf and on all the other sons and daughters who could have been affected in the same way. To this day, the rage still smolders and that Dr knows and won't meet my gaze


Yes. It felt enormous. It felt powerful. Overwhelmingly upsetting such that I got my sleeping bag, wallet and car keys and left for three days without telling my spouse or kids where I was going nor when I was coming back. I cried - the balling my eyes out crying - all the way to Crow Creek trailhead above Girdwood. I remember driving through Ninilchik and noticing that Salmon fest was happening and noting that all those people were having fun while I was breaking apart. I sat by the pounding waterfall for hours, slept in my car next to it with the window open to hear that sound of that waterfall to create some balance between its power and the power of the anger and emotions I was experiencing. One of the days, I went to Anchorage to Tidal Wave books and bought a book titled, "Menopause Sucks", which I read cover to cover next to that waterfall.


More than once. Slammed the door as hard as I could, I may have screamed......It was therapeutic for everyone.


Absolutely! I felt shaky, and emotional! And unsure how to deal with it. When my son was in elementary school he always brought cold lunch, I had his meal in a container. He couldn't open the cover and the teacher told him if he couldn't do it by himself then he couldn't eat it! When he came home and told me that, I was enraged and called the school right up and had a meeting with the principal! I always thought teachers were there to help kids. That day I found out that wasn't the case! There's mean people no matter where!!


Yes I have, luckily not often but it scares me. I feel traumatized by lingering guilt and shame for the times I lost my shit and yelled at my little sweet innocent child:( It feels like a dark evil spirit taking your whole being hostage. You leave your body and witness all the worst possible things come out of you that you actually do not identify with. Alcohol definitely triggered it more frequently for me... one of many reasons I quit drinking 6 years ago.


The real question is when have I not. My shoulders tense, my voice gets louder, my eyes get small and with laser like focus I hone in on my son and dare him, sometimes aloud, to throw one more thing or tell me to die one more time. While this is all happening, somewhere deep down is the voice that says -" you're the parent act like it " and " why did you let it get this bad " when the rage slows.. when I slow I try to see my child for who he is and not for the things I could not or did not do for him


My son was bombarding me with wants & needs. All day. Endlessly. "Can I have this? Can I have that? Mom, can I? Can I? Can I ____?" For a bit too long... I began to get rattled. I needed him to stop needing me. Just for 5 minutes... ONLY five minutes. Maybe even 2 minutes would be enough. I felt the edge creep up. I could see the chasm below. I could feel the pull of vertigo. So when he asked for the umpteenth thing in a row, "Mom, can I have a popsicle?" I tumbled over the edge. In freefall I lost my bearings and went full sarcasm on him. "Sure! Why Not? Go ahead and have the whole box!" He stared at me and deadpan said, " Mom? Quit freaking me out. I'm only going to have one." Thank goodness my son caught my hand before I fell out of reach.


Probably. The specifics ... I guess I block them out, because I can't put my finger on a particular moment or incident. And maybe that's okay. Maybe it isn't. But, ultimately I feel like that's what we are trying to teach our children. It's okay to get upset, really upset. But apologize, try not to do it again, and love even harder. Focus on the good and put your energy there.


For the past month my marriage has been on the rocks, and I have had very little patience with my boys since then (which is not like me at all). I snap and zone out (they are still safe and happy), but I yell more than I ever thought I would. It's heartbreaking to me that they are not getting the mother they deserve right now. It feels like failure.


When I'm with her, I speak in short answers and I only speak when I am spoken to for fear of the eye rolling, the name calling and generally being told that every single thing I have to say, is the wrong thing. The mom rage that perpetually gives me the most anxiety, is actually not my rage at all. It's my mother-in-laws.


Mom rage is the scariest thing I have ever felt. It happens with such little warning and is so strong mixed with abrupt confusion. When I first gave birth I experienced the deepest clarity, the clearest vision, zero confusion on my role and purpose relative to this little creature gifted to me. Then months later to have a blurry moment of sheer animal instinct and anger I could feel in my teeth instantly threw me into the deepest disillusionment. How could one be so clear and confused at the same time. I think I can still smell the air the moment I first felt this rage. I shook my head to release the blind anger and immediately put my child in the car. I drove to my husbands workplace and told him there was an emergency. He looked at me like I had two heads or was missing my hands. He wasn't angry and that made me more afraid. How could he not feel the same rage but for me? His empathy mixed with meh shook me. If he didn't feel the fire drill of fear then who would stop me when it came back.


Yes, unfortunately. In my case, it's because of overstimulation and being stressed in general. I have definitely yelled at my son before and made him cry. This was in his earlier years - 3 and under I believe. I've yelled at him a handful of times - all due to being overstimulated, my own personal needs not being met - no breaks - no filling of my cup. It felt absolutely fucking horrible. I don't know what's worse - the fact that I did it or the fact that ... w to manage my emotions. I can say for a fact that I have not yelled at my son at years. And that feels really fucking good. I try to be mindful of mysel ... now asks "are you getting stressed out, mommy?" and that always brings me back. Like, "yeah, dude, I am stressed and it's not your fault."


Only once, and I realized it had nothing to do with my children. So I went to therapy, and talked about all the shit that happened to me when I was a kid that I could never tell anyone.


When dad insists on arguing in front of the kid. I can only silent rage. Kid is non verbal, but that doesn't mean he doesn't absorb the toxicity. It feels hot and hopeless


Often, sometimes I yelled, other times I tagged off to spouse and got a break


Mom rage is all consuming, whether it's in response to your defiant teenage daughter when she screams "I hate you" or when your child is being bullied and harassed at school and no one will help you find the help you need for your injured daughter. It's intense, it's energizing, but it's also painful and sad and can eat away at you.


Often. Full body tense and cringe. I can feel myself gritting my teeth. Usually set off by someone asking or doing something repeatedly even after I have given an answer etc.


I've felt mom rage more times than I'd like to reflect on. It feels uncontrollable in the moment and shameful afterwards. Part of the shame, is knowing that my own lack of boundaries is largely what led me to that point of extreme frustration.


I have to get out of the house everyday by 7am with a 2 and 4 year old. There are good mornings, and there are awful mornings. The days when I have to remind them 5, 6, 10 times to brush teeth, put on socks, put toys away, etc. Mom rage comes on when we are late, trying to get shoes on and toddler has a meltdown, or 4 year old continues to dally around. I get flooded, tunnel vision and have to let out a scream. I sit by myself for a few minutes, breathe, and then get them in the car and go to school, where I deal with repeating myself 200 times a day to other people's children.


When my daughter was 2 and a half, she was being a terror. She wasn't listening and she just kept doing things that were dangerous and semi-evil. I remember that I was against spanking (not that I really was spanked growing up) but I decided she needed to be spanked. So I did it. I remember it hurt my hand. Her reaction? To laugh maniacally at me. I felt the rage at that moment. So I left the room. I never spanked her again and I can't remember ever feeling that way again. Not toward her.


Oh yes. In 15 years of parenting, it's happened a few times. Usually I just lose it and scream like a crazy person. Sometimes I cry, if I am alone. If I scream in front of or at my kids, I always apologize, and explain that I was overwhelmed and share how I can react better next time. I think, as long as everyone is safe, it's okay for them to know we have big feelings sometimes too.


Yes, more than once if I'm being honest. For me it has happened during moments of opposition, usually trying to get out the door to work or when my kids are fighting. It usually results in me yelling, while stifling as much of the "rage" I can. The feeling that stands out more than the rage is the guilt and shame after. Recently I have felt a different kind of "mom rage"- this comes when I hear about yet another school shooting and watch as we do nothing to stop it.


I don't think I've felt mom rage, thankfully ❤️


I know that I've had some moments and interestingly, can't even remember what they were about. But I do remember thinking two things afterwards - one I never wanted to be like my mom when she would go crazy on us as kids. And two - I hope my kids are young enough to not remember this. Ugh.


I don't think so


Yes and it was aweful. Almost like an out of body experience that I immediately felt guilty for. 😔 when I yell or slam my hands down on the kitchen counter and go hide in the pantry I know I have surpassed my "mom limit"


Mom Rage (and Guilt and Shame) appeared around month four post partum With my second daughter and lasted longer than id like to admit. Things were hard- my toddler was regressing, waking up four times a night, and only wanting mom. My breastfed baby refused the bottle and was also up four times a night. I was attempting to work full time. There was no extra money or hands or help. We were all sick every other week. What was hard though was rage wasn't just when things were bad it was constant from the moment i woke up from my stolen hour of sleep i was seething, good day or bad. I would go to the car and scream as loud as i could. I told friends i was maybe feeling a little off. I couldn't even cry anymore or feel sad just constant rage a feeling I've never been very familiar with. In moments everyone was happy and playing i found myself numb to joy and instead angry again that i wasn't enjoying this precious time. I was angry at offers to help. Angry at anyone who dared say they were tired. Angry at my husband for being understanding. Angry that my daughter could feel my resentment when i was trying so hard to mask it. There was never a snapping point, i never lost my cool but spent months in a red haze faking it, going through the motions making memories for the family that I couldn't partake in. I'm sure they knew. I felt destroyed by my own impatience and lack of empathy towards my toddler but unable to do better. I never saw a doctor, there was no time or insurance, though i probably should have. 'Its a phase' was my mantra, and the slow return of sleep and sunshine and gentle pushes from friends and family to be outdoors everyday slowly lifted the veil. Anger is easier to access now than at any other point jn my life, but i hope it is a phase i am done with.


Fuck yes I have. I asked my husband to change my newborn's diaper one morning (after a night of me changing diapers and being up with the baby every time she woke up in the night--changing diapers, feeding, burping). He audibly sighed, looked at the baby and in a joking tone said, "You guys always wait till I'm about to head downstairs." 1. I didn't know he was headed downstairs. 2. Sure, I can change the diaper, but I'd like a two minute break. Rage ensued. I did not speak to him for the next couple hours and proceeded to ask for zero help with anything child-related. The real icing on this fuckcake was my mother-in-law was staying with us, who I must say is a truly lovely human, but it just added another layer to it all. I will also say that this mom rage brought about some very honest and direct communication with my husband--both ways--and I think it actually made our relationship, and parenting, better.


When dad insists on arguing in front of the kid. I can only silent rage. Kid is non verbal, but that doesn't mean he doesn't absorb the toxicity. It feels hot and hopeless

5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page